The Season of Protecting Your Peace: You're Not Doing It Wrong; You're Human

The holidays are sold to us as a time of perfect togetherness:
cozy tables, effortless conversations, everyone on their best behavior.

Real life is softer and messier than that.

Sometimes being in community feels beautiful and nourishing.
Sometimes it feels tender, complicated, or downright exhausting.
Sometimes it’s all of that in the span of a single afternoon.

If this season stirs up old dynamics, grief, anxiety, or just plain overwhelm—
you’re not doing it wrong. You’re human.

how to practice: simple exercises to weave into your daily life

Boundaries in community aren’t about closing your heart.
They’re about staying with yourself while you’re with others.

A Simple Boundary Practice: “Remembering Me While I’m With You

You can use this before, during, or after time with others.

1. Before you gather
Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

  • Who do I feel safest and most myself with?

  • What is one boundary I’d like to hold this time?
    (Examples: how long you stay, topics you won’t engage in, how much you share, how much you drink, etc.)

Let this be your private anchor going in.

2. While you’re with people
Pick a tiny, invisible way to check back in with yourself:

  • Press your thumb and forefinger together

  • Feel your feet on the floor

  • Take one slow, deeper breath

Silently ask:
“How am I right now? Do I need a break, a shift, or some support?”
If the answer is “I’m overwhelmed” or “I’m done” — that’s valid information, not a failure.

3. After you leave
Later that day (or the next), take a few minutes to reflect:

  • Where did I feel most like myself?

  • Where did I feel drained, small, or overextended?

  • What do I want to do differently next time—for my own peace?

This is how boundaries grow over time: not from perfection, but from gently learning yourself in community, again and again.

A Gentle Reminder:

You’re allowed to:
step outside for a breath of fresh air
change the subject
say, “I’m not up for that conversation”
leave earlier than others
choose smaller, cozier gatherings
need more recovery time afterward
The holidays come once a year, but your nervous system is with you every day.

Tending to it—through boundaries, through honesty, through rest—isn’t selfish.
It’s how you keep showing up as the truest version of you, with the people who matter most.

Breanne Kiefner